If I had a dollar for every time somebody asked me, "so when do you think you'll have kids?" I'd be a very rich woman.
This week alone, I bet I've been asked this question 10 times.


I try (and usually fail at) not being overly sensitive about being asked this question. Most likely, people are just making friendly conversation when they ask this question. Down here in the south, they'll ask you about 2 seconds after you say, "I do," without even batting an eye. It's a question that has been asked for so long now that nobody even realizes how rude and bizarre it is.

What if you've been trying for months to get pregnant and you can't? What if your dream is to adopt, but you don't have the money? What if you want to pursue your career before you become a parent?
I'm not sure why people force the idea of rapid procreation upon young women (because let's be honest, rarely do people ask men the "when will you have kids" question).
Maybe they're truly just making conversation.
Maybe they're nosy.
Maybe they want everyone around them to get knocked up so they aren't the only ones in the trenches of parenthood.
I don't know all of the reasons why, but it's weird, and people probably should stop asking that question.

Ok, sorry about the rant, but I'm at that point in life where it seems like I hear this question ALL the time. When we were dating and planning a future together, Greg and I always considered the possibility of having children in the far, far distant future. In fact, one of the many reasons Greg and I left Nashville was because I convinced myself that when we had kids I didn't want them to go to metro schools.
And now here we are living in a beautiful three bedroom house in our home town, where both of our parents live (free child care), with a great school system.
We're happily married, financially stable, and I'm now 26 years old and have nice, wide birthing hips.
We are in the perfect position to start a family, and I literally can't think of anything less appealing.


Shocking, I know.

So, in hopes of putting THE QUESTION to rest, here are my reasons justifying why I don't want to have kids right now, any time soon, or maybe ever.

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1. They're Expensive

Right now, Greg and I have two car payments, a mortgage payment, monthly bills, my debilitating shopping addiction, and we finally started making investments for the future (something we'd been wanting to do since we got married). We are by no means living paycheck to paycheck, but we are feeling that tension of wanting to go, do, and see but always having to check the budget or save up to do so.
I can't even imagine adding the cost of raising a child into that mix.
I love the feeling of earning money and spending it on what I want to spend it on.
At no point whatsoever do I want to pay for thousands of diapers, formula, daycare, school trips, sports equipment, horseback riding lessons, summer camps, college, weddings, etc.
At, first, when Greg and I started talking about possibly not having children, we were kind of like, "well, what will we do when we're old?"
Answer: anything we freaking want!
As long as our loved ones put us in the best retirement home around, we're all set.
Without kids, we could quickly pay off all of our debt, travel the world if we wanted, and adopt all the dogs.
I like the sound of that. 


2. Pregnancy Freaks Me Out

I loathed every second of my OB rotation in nursing school.
Everything about pregnancy, labor and delivery, and postpartum care gives me the creeps.
Breastfeeding terrifies me.
And don't even get me started on "birth plans."
I remember taking Anatomy and Physiology in high school and keeping a running list of the reasons why I didn't want to have kids: episiotomies, hemorrhoids, stretch marks, heartburn, morning sickness, nerve pain, nose widening, swollen ankles, uncontrollable lactation.
I can go on.
Granted, I think my teacher told us most of those things to scare us out of becoming teen moms, but I'm still not interested.
As a health care provider, I feel like I "know too much", and I simply don't want to put my body through all of that.


3. Kids Aren't My Fave

I generally like adults more than children.
There's a reason I didn't go into pediatric nursing, people.
I don't really know how to relate to kids.
I'm too sarcastic and impatient, and I'm a terrible teacher.
I don't like playing with kids at their level, which is a major requirement in parenting.
And, honestly, I was never a baby fanatic.
Even at age two, my mom said I used to get so annoyed when she watched her friends' babies. I'd ask when he/she was going home because he/she was keeping me awake (which is hysterical because I never napped).
😂 I was such a jerk.
I hated baby-sitting in high school and college. My sister (who has a degree in elementary education) would do crafts and bake and read and play with the kiddos she would babysit (the Lord has a special place in heaven for her) whereas I was more of a "I sure hope these hoodlums are able to entertain themselves for 8 hours" kind of babysitter. 
Don't get me wrong, Greg and I have a bunch of children in our life that we adore.
But, we adore them more because they aren't our responsibility.


4. My Life > Mom Life

One of the first realizations I had that mom life might not be for me was at a cookout a few years ago.  I saw all the moms having to make 15 plates of food for their kids before they got to sit down and enjoy the event.
I know that's a ridiculous example, but the amount of care and effort mothers have to put into each one of their children before they can even have half a minute to themselves is exhausting. And, I salute all the women who have chosen to take on this role!
Y'all are the real MVPs.
But, for me, none of this sounds like fun.
I could say that I am in a stage of life where I want to focus on my interests and passions. But, I'm starting to think that this isn't just a stage.
Maybe this is just me!


5. This World is Messed Up

Have y'all watched the news lately?
It's terrifying out there!
I think back to some of the things my parents let me do as a kid like ride my bike alone all through the neighborhood.
So harmless, but I can't imagine letting my own child do that today.
Kids get cell phones when they're 3 these days and grow up with unlimited access to the internet and all of its predators.
Public schools and movie theaters sure don't seem safe anymore.
Culture is always trying to force things that you may not believe in into your homes.
Rather than try to navigate the best way to raise a child in today's rocky social terrain, I'd prefer to just avoid that all together.


7. I'm Too Self Interested

I love my clean house.
I love sleeping 8 hours a night.
I love going out of town for the weekend with minimal planning.
At no point do I want to lose sleep due to round the clock feedings or because I'm worrying that my idiot son is being safe at a party.
At no point do I want to deal with the Terrible Twos or teenage hormones.
At no point do I want to have to figure out if it's appropriate to spank my kid for the tantrum he's throwing in Walmart or what I'm going to do if my 16 year old daughter is the victim of cyber bullying.
I'm far too self interested to fool with any of that.
But don't mistake self interested for selfish.
Self-interest is defined as a concern for one's own well-being. Everybody should have at least a little self-interest.
Selfishness, on the other hand,  is being concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself, without regard for others.
I love others! And I try to live by the Golden Rule and treat them the way I'd like to be treated.
Thinking that you're the center of the universe and having enough self awareness to know that you don't want to be a parent are two very different things.

And, just FYI: I'm not twisting Greg's arm here either.
He's in the same Self Interest Camp as me.
He's a GRANDPA who would prefer to go to bed each night at 8:30, and he sticks to his routines stronger than surgical strength adhesive.
He hardly sleeps as it is because his brain is always going.
He almost had a nervous breakdown when our dog got a mild UTI.
Not a joke.
A baby would absolutely do him in.


8. I Want My Husband to Myself

Despite his type A personality (or maybe because of it), I simply love Greg too much to share him.
He's my best friend, and I already feel like we are constantly grasping at more time to spend together.
I don't want to limit our time together any more than it already is.

.

Listen, in 10 years I may be surrounded by dozens of my little sticky-fingered spawn and look back on this post and just laugh and laugh.
It could happen. Life changes.
At this point, I can't say that I'm absolutely not going to have children.
I can just say that I'm seriously considering not doing so.
Because I'm fulfilled without them.
Because I like my "me time."
Because I don't feel like I'm missing out.
Because that's my choice.

I guess the point of this post is that, right now, I'm choosing to be childfree.
AND, THAT'S OK.
You don't have to do all of the things that other people do just because they're the logical "next steps" in life, or because it's the social norm, or because you feel like you should.
Quit "should-ing" on yourself!
Decide to have children because you WANT to!
And then enjoy that new role and be the best parent you can possibly be!

I'll just be over here with my wine, money, and dogs.
Hehe. 😉


What are your thoughts on this post?
Is motherhood for you, or are you in the same boat as me?
Are you "should-ing" on yourself about something?

Let me know in the comments section below!


XOXO,
Abby